BREAKING: Universe Pledges to Put an End to Rhetorical Questions, Once and for All

Amid a noticeable uptick in the frequency of rhetorical questions it has been fielding recently — including “What’s the worst that could happen?” and “Come on, how bad could it get, really??” — the Universe has issued a scathing rebuke in the form of its decision, which some opponents have called “sadistic,” to actually answer them.

“I just got really tired of hearing these questions over and over,” the Universe explained in an exclusive interview.  “Like, you really think I can’t make things any worse for you people?”

Citing “an annoying degree of nonchalance” about circumstances that were clearly designed to evoke reactions of fear, shock, horror and disgust, the Universe has abandoned its previous policy of nonintervention and has now pledged to exacerbate any and all conflicts — particularly those that are political in nature — in order to “teach these idiots a lesson.”

No word yet on what steps might be taken by the Universe should rhetorical questions of the same ilk continue to persist, nor of how other affected parties will respond to this dramatic shift in policy.  Reality, for its part, has remained remarkably quiet despite massive numbers of rhetorical questions inquiring as to its whereabouts in recent weeks.

This is a developing story.