Democratic Debate: “I Love Immigrants” Edition

Last night’s debate was co-hosted by Univision and moderated (mainly) by Maria Elena Salinas and Jorge Ramos, so it was largely focused on the key issue you might expect: campaign finance.

…okay, and immigration.

It was a surprisingly lively debate — when the candidates were actually allowed to debate, that is. Below is a brief synopsis of what this blog post would look like if these moderators were involved:

The most fascinating thing about the debate was…

<moderators interject>: TIME’S UP!

Um okay, bearing in mind that each candidate had areas in their respective voting records that needed clarification…

<moderators interject>: THANK YOU, TIME’S UP!

Can I finish this thought? I wanted to…

<moderators interject>: NO, WE NEED TO MOVE ON TO LESS INTERESTING THINGS.

*DRAMATIC SIGH*

 

But basically, everyone loves undocumented immigrants (as long as they aren’t criminals), Bernie likes brown suits, Donald Trump is racist (without calling him racist), no children will be deported, no children will be deported, NO CHILDREN WILL BE DEPORTED, Hillary Clinton is not a natural politician and won’t be indicted for God’s sake (!!!), the Benghazi conspiracy theories will never die, and finally — most importantly — remind me never to run for president after having any kind of voting record in Congress, because every piece, amendment, or prepositional phrase of any bill is apparently fair game for your opposition to call you out on.

 

The next GOP Debate is up tonight. They are usually funnier. Scarier, but funnier.

BASTA.